up late again...

Well, I can't seem to fall asleep...been doing a lot of pondering lately...on all kinds of things...no way I could even come close to writing it all down. I'm realizing how much I really like the words of the hymns and how much they are like scriptures. I'll have to work on the work, watch, fight, pray thing...sometime. i keep thinking of these different things i like to look up...so i'm not doing a very good job of sticking with any 'theme'. oh well. this really isn't for anyone other than me, so i guess it doesn't matter. when i first started, i debated whether or not to put a link on my family blog...but i didn't...not because i don't want anybody to read it...but i just didn't want to feel like i was doing it for any reason other than myself. so...if you're reading this...forgive the jumbled up randomness of it all :). one really cool thing happened about a week and a half ago tho'. first, a couple weeks ago our lesson in gospel principles was on the Holy Ghost...and I was trying to think of a good personal experience to share...and for some reason, my mind was just coming up blank...which frustrated me...because i know i've felt the spirit, felt guided, yada yada...tons of times in my life. even after i came home i could think of stuff i couldn't think of in class...but nothing recent...and that really bothered me. like...really REALLY. then last week Thursday morning...I woke up and really felt like Tommy and I needed to go to the temple...like...that night. However, it's a 2+ hour drive, and we have three children under the age of six...so...going to the temple is hardly ever convenient. Tommy was working on some stuff on our house (that I really wanted to happen), Elli wouldn't be home from school till probably close to 3:30. So...realistically, the only session that would be even feasible...would be the 7:00 one. Anyway...it just seemed sooo inconvenient...and the thought of being out till midnight (which is what time it would have been by the time we got home)...was not appealing. but...notwithstanding all this...i had this strong feeling that we needed to go that night (Thursday). I thought, well, Tuesay (the next feasible day)...would be fine...I rationalized it...called Tommy to see what he thought...he said either day...called mom and dad (since they'd be watching the kids...)....they said either day. but everytime i thought about going on another day...I just did NOT feel right. So...finally I decided that it was really dumb that I was looking to other people for confirmation. I called everybody up...arranged e verything...Tommy came home...and we went. It was great...but the whole time i was in their I was waiting for something really spiritual or profound to happen. Anyway...we came home...Gage barfed a couple times...lovely thing to take care of on the side of the road at almost midnight. Anyway...just the other day I realized that had we not gone that Thursday night...Gage got sooooo sick after that...had we not gone thursday night...we probably would not have gotten a chance to go until after they reopen the temple in april (they're taking a little spring break to fix/add some things). Anyway...my eyes are trying to close...but it was really neat to feel the sweet confmation of listening to the spirit. It was a great night :) Anyway...i'm going to get to bed...I'm FINALLY...exhausted :)

i should do this morning often...

Work...

This one always gets me. I know Heavenly Father does not want us to burn out...therefore, working like crazy, go-go-go-go, etc. is not exactly what this must mean. I love working hard...I hate stopping...I love to just keep going and going...but sometimes I think that to God, I must look like one of those little toddlers you watch that has legs and body moving way too fast and he's running because if he stops he'll fall on his face...but eventually he falls anyway.. :). So, then, when the Lord says 'Work'...what exactly does he have in mind? I plugged "work" into the Gospel library search...and am having way to much fun reading everything...lol :)

- There is a lot of mention of genealogy/temple work and missionary work. This makes me think of the three fold mission of the church. Perhaps it would be effective if I tried harder to ask myself when I start....(I'm trying to think of a better phrase than 'going crazy'...but it's not happening). Anyway...maybe it would be good if I occasionally asked myself if what I was stressing about was in any way proclaiming the gospel, redeeming the dead, or perfecting the saints (at least, the under 4 ft. tall saints in my stewardship).

- There's also a lot of connecting work...to enduring. I think that that is one of the most important things we can do...just keep doing the little things...that way when the big trials come...we have a foundation to fall back on.

- I love the serenity prayer...God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. My grandmother used to have it on some little plaque on her counter. Anyway...we talked in Family Home Evening about how we are responsible for our attitudes, etc. And it just seems that the older my kids get (old being 5 years old...lol), the more I realize there are certain things I can control...and certain things I can't...I can't force my kids to be happy, use the bathroom in the toilet, go to sleep...etc. some things are just in their control...and that's the way it should be. So...my other goal (and I've actually been working on this for awhile...so hopefully it shouldn't be that hard...is to make sure that what I'm trying to 'work' on, is not something that will ultaimately lead to a power struggle, or frustration. Anyway...I'm exhausted, this post has been continuing for the past few days, and I just need to post it already!

Work and Watch and Fight and Pray =)

I've had this sinus...thing...for a few weeks now and I'm not sleeping real well at night...thus...I'm exhausted during the day. So, I need to get back to getting up early and taking time for me. *yawn*. We had Stake Conference this past weekend...and it was one of the best I think I've been to. It really was great. Sometimes Stake Conference doesn't do much to fill my cup...not because the speakers aren't good...but simply because trying to sit still with a 5, 3, and 1 year old for two hours straight can be a bit much. That part was still hard...but there were some really good talks that have caused me to re-evaluate some things, be grateful for a lot of things, and be more dedicated in many ways. I really REALLY love studying the gospel. Some days I think that when my kids are all in school than I'll have all kinds of time on my hands...but...not only do I think that i'll find myself suprised at the still small amount of time I have...but I also love having my kids this age. So, I just have to make it happen.

I've had the last view of "Put Your Shoulder To The Wheel" stuck in my head like crazy for the past few days...can't even figure out why...but...well, first, here's what it says. It says, "Work and Watch and Fight and Pray". Anyway...and I have been think of those words all week (no joke...pretty sad, huh?). So I thought I'd have fun looking them up and really trying to figure out how I can "work and watch and fight and pray". However, as it is almost 11:30 and my bedtime was an hour and a half ago...I think I'll stop and hopefully...do more tomorrow. *yawn*

Another late night post...

Tommy got called to go give a blessing to someone at the ER...so...I'm just kind of piddling (sp?) around the house. I decided to sit down and do something spiritually productive before I hit the pillows. My little brother emailed today from his mission...he's doing well...but he commented on how he never expected it to be as hard as it is. It made me remember a talk I read...I want to send it to him. I was grateful to be able to read it again...because in reality...being a mother is missionary work...I want so badly for them to know what I know...and truly be connected to Christ...and experience their own personal conversion. Anyway...so I'm rereading it again and applying it to being a mom and I thought I'd post the end here...cuz it's my favorite part...
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From a talk given at the Provo (Utah) Missionary Training Center on 20 June 2000.

"Anyone who does any kind of missionary work will have occasion to ask, Why is this so hard? Why doesn’t it go better? Why can’t our success be more rapid? Why aren’t there more people joining the Church? It is the truth. We believe in angels. We trust in miracles. Why don’t people just flock to the font? Why isn’t the only risk in missionary work that of pneumonia from being soaking wet all day and all night in the baptismal font?

You will have occasion to ask those questions. I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my personal feeling. I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? It seems to me that missionaries and mission leaders have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. Missionaries and mission leaders have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary.

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and sacrilegious. But I believe that missionaries and investigators, to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price.

For that reason I don’t believe missionary work has ever been easy, nor that conversion is, nor that retention is, nor that continued faithfulness is. I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something from the depths of our soul.

If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,” 16 then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us. If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way.

The Atonement will carry the missionaries perhaps even more importantly than it will carry the investigators. When you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit upon and cast out and made a hiss and a byword, you are standing with the best life this world has ever known, the only pure and perfect life ever lived. You have reason to stand tall and be grateful that the Living Son of the Living God knows all about your sorrows and afflictions. The only way to salvation is through Gethsemane and on to Calvary. The only way to eternity is through Him—the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

I testify that the living God is our Eternal Father and that Jesus Christ is His living and Only Begotten Son in the flesh. I testify that this Jesus, who was slain and hanged on a tree, 17 was the chief Apostle then and is the chief Apostle now, the Great High Priest, the chief cornerstone of His Church in this last and greatest of all dispensations. I testify that He lives, that the whole triumph of the gospel is that He lives, and because He does, so will we.

On that first Resurrection Sunday, Mary Magdalene first thought she saw a gardener. Well, she did—the Gardener who cultivated Eden and who endured Gethsemane. The Gardener who gave us the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valley, the cedars of Lebanon, the tree of life.

I declare Him to be the Savior of the world, the Bishop and Shepherd of our souls, the Bright and Morning Star. I know that our garments can be washed white only in the blood of that Lamb, slain from the foundation of the world. I know that we are lifted up unto life because He was lifted up unto death, that He bore our griefs and carried our sorrows, and with His stripes we are healed. I bear witness that He was wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities, that He was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief because upon Him were laid the transgressions of us all. 18

I bear witness that He came from God as a God to bind up the brokenhearted, to dry the tears from every eye, to proclaim liberty to the captive and open the prison doors to them that are bound. 19 I promise that because of your faithful response to the call to spread the gospel, He will bind up your broken hearts, dry your tears, and set you and your families free. That is my missionary promise to you and your missionary message to the world."

Well, Keith just woke up coughing up a storm...and complaining about his knees and ankles hurting...oh well...another late night...

Hmmm...

Well, that was pretty short lived for something that I was (am) so excited about. For most of the past month my personal/spiritual time...whatever you wanna call it...has been listening to talks I downloaded to my phone. It has satisfied some of my need for spiritual food...but not so much for the whole personal/me time. I feel like as long as I keep moving I'm OK...I get so many things done and I feel so productive...but I'm having a really hard time sitting still and being spiritually productive so to speak. I need to work on that. Somehow, as much as I love Sheri Dew and my kids...I didn't exactly have listening to her talk, washing dishes, and feeding Gage...all at the same time...as my mental picture of me filling my cup. Now that it's 11 o'clock at night...I finally feel relaxed and wound down enough to sit. I absolutely love being a mom and I really need to work on relying more on the Savior. I know I can't do it on my own. Makes me think of in the Book of Mormon...you have that part where it talks about how the wicked were boasting in their own strength...so they were left in their own strength...and then you have the stripling warriors, who had no experience to boast of...but relied on the Lord...and were incredible in battle. So...here we go again.

Day 1 :)

I'm so excited about this....I think it will keep my thoughts a lot more organized than if I were to write it in a notebook or something...and much less clutter...I've already got all kinds of random notebooks. There is no rhyme or reason to this...I just need SOMETHING to increase my spiritual feeding, so to speak. Anyway, last night as Tommy and I were laying in bed I was reading him one of my all time favorite chapters in the world...Moses Chapter 1 in the book The Pearl of Great Price :). There are so many things I absolutely love about this chapter...and as I was reading it I realized there were things I had forgotten too...in my old age I'm getting very forgetful. So, I'm hoping if I make note of it...maybe it'll stick in my head a little better. Here are some of the things that I love/thought was interesting about Moses 1:

First, it talks about how Moses is talking Face to Face with God and God is basically telling him about the great scheme of things. He talks about how He's created all things, tells him about his only Begotten Son who will be the Savior of the world, etc.

- I love how God keeps referring to Moses as "My Son" (vs. 4, 6, 7). He really emphasizes that. I think the more we know who we are...the more everything else falls into place and the easier it is to obey God's commandments...cuz they make sooo much sense if we see ourselves as Children of God.

Then God leaves and Moses is processing all this stuff.

- I love one of the things Moses says (well, especially love). He says, "Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed." I just think it's so interesting that
Moses has this incredible knowledge now that he is God's Son...but he also realizes that man is
nothing compared the greatness of God that he has just beheld.

Then Moses talks about how God transfigured him for the time so that he could behold him, otherwise he would have withered and died. Then, Satan comes.

- I think it is really interesting the first thing Satan says. He says, "Moses, son of man, worship me." The first thing he attacks is Moses' knowledge of who he is as a child of God! It always makes me think of all the things Satan does to try to convince us that we have no divine nature. He tries so hard to convince us we need to be rich, skinny, beautiful, powerful, , skilled, physically stronger, etc....to have any value...and it's so not true.

- Then I love how Moses responds...he says, "Who art thou? For behold, I am a son of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy glory, that I should worship thee?" I love it...in the face of such evil, Moses remembers!

He talks about how he was not able to stand in the presence of God in his natural state, but he doesn't seem to have a problem standing in Satan's presence. He talks about how God commanded him to call upon God. Then he commands Satan to leave...multiple times. Satan throws a tantrum, wanting Moses to worship him. Moses receives strength from the Lord, and Satan finally leaves. Then the last half of the chapter God comes again and visits with Moses and tells him all kinds of cool things...but the kids are awake...so I'm going to finish now. What a great morning!